Confessions

by Steph Jacqlin

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lyrics

The tragic life of poor Van Gogh
Inspires my fascination.
When he looked up to paint the sky,
Could he foresee his afterlife?
Those letters, scripted in his hand
Were they a kind of painting?
Wherein we'd see what could not be
And forgive him his shortcomings?

Coleridge, in opium dreams
Dreamt 40 lines of perfect verse
Then, waking up, forgot the rest
And cried, 'They're lost forever!'
Or was that just a tale he told?
To dignify his failure?
A desperate plea to history
To say he could not help it?

My dad would drink and tell me, 'Steph,
You'll get it when you're older.
When you're in charge of life yourself,
Things don't go like you think they will.'
Now I know his words were true.
I lie awake and wonder,
'Why can't I do what I can do?
And will this last forever?'

I have a strained and troubled mind.
I feel too much and I can't move.
I want to cum, I want to die
To feel it once then nothing more.
I think of Mom, her tragic end
I wonder, was she asking
That we receive her in her sin
And forgive her these trespasses?

How many, born into this life
Feel that they should be better?
They set to craft their perfect work
To redeem them, ever-after.
God alone makes perfect work.
And God alone redeems them.
And God's work too is incomplete.
And God too disappoints them.

credits

released July 8, 2022
———————
made by Steph at home

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about

Steph Jacqlin Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

steph makes records of her feelings and her memories

artist photo by Rose Paulson
banner by Joseph Rogers

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